Aussie Repartee

Filed Under Live, Play 

Image

The Flying Kangaroo, Qantas, has always had an ‘interesting’ labour relations scene. If it’s not the hosties throwing their toys around and threatening strikes, it’s the ground crew who refuse to unload baggage.

Only this month, dear Aunt Pam was manhandled in her wheel chair by an unsympathetic ground staff operator, opening and closing doors, bumping her through and then nearly allowing her to miss her plane. All very traumatic.

It appears that the relationship between pilots and ground/maintenance engineers is also different. Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘Gripe Sheet’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft..

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Without calling the monkey, Qantas is the only airline never to have had a major accident.

Here’s some repartee between them: (P=pilot; S=service personnel)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[thanks John]

Comments

Leave a Reply




  • Blog Roll

    • 2 Oceans Vibe - South Africa’s premier news site for the upwardly mobile.
    • 2Oceansvibe Radio - South Africa’s premier internet radio station – great tunes, good banter and setting the pace
    • Crikey - what they don’t publish in Oz, in the mainstream printed news. Concise comment.
    • Getaway Guru - Great travel site with many hints and tips
    • Popyacollar - A leading edge look at fashions and trends by a leading fashionista
    • Provence Villa Rental - the ultimate property rental in France. Provençal Paradise.
    • Thought Leadership Strategy – Craig Badings - Craig is one of Australia’s leading PR practitioners. His views on Thought Leadership and Strategy are always worth reading
    • Wrestling Possums - The doyen of PR, Chris Savage, gives this site his unique brand of incisiveness. A must read if you’re interested in communications.
  • Other Links



  •   

       

    LSW Twitter

    white spacer

    radio

    white spacer

    white spacer

    white spacer